so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize