Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
