I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
