My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I touched a dick in church today
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
