During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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