I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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