"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
