So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
