We're facebook friends in real life
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
