so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Who died my cat blue again?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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