Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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