I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
