i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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