what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
