She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
