Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
