worst night to have a conscience
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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