1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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