if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
