"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize