my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
