When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
