Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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