True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
