She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
