ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
