Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When did angry sex become our thing?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
