Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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