What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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