I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I know her cup size but not her name....
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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