Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
