youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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