Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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