Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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