she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
