Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
