I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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