For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
