i would punch a child for taco bell
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
