Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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