I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sorry about my life...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
