my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
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