Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
