I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize