fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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