I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I FOUND THE LEGS
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