Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
