I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
