You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
