i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
nutella sex= disaster
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
