You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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