I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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