You're my little dorito
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
