OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
