oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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