the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
