While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize