I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
