I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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