He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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