the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
