The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
