We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize