but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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