i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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