its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
