oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You pole danced in your parka.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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