Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
