i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize