You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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