He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
