Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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