I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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