I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i used baking grease as lip gloss
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize