I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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